I was taught to be frugal with money, not spend it on "frivolous things." I’ve always felt a sense of guilt for shopping, or going on a trip, or even intense shame for taking a day off of work, or calling in sick. When I made the decision to work 30 hours a week instead of 40 because I wanted to focus on building my business, I was terrified. Not only because this meant less money, but also because deep shame welled-up inside me for not working what society considers a full work week.
In capitalism, our worth is tied to how many hours of work we log.
I remember feeling lazy, so I felt this deep sense of unworthiness with this choice that ultimately was for my best interest mentally, emotionally, spritiually, phsyically, and emotionally, and career-wise. Mainstream logic was tellling me I was ridiculous for pulling back on my work hours to pour my energy into something that had no guaranteed *financial* *monetary* return on investment.
But it’s gotten me to this place now where I get to help budding entrepreneurs like you on their path, support them, and teach them things I wish I would have known when I started.
My money story is also full of ideas like you have to work hard to make money, and you can’t be fully in love with what you do and make money at the same time. I had this story that money can’t come easily to me. It has to come with hard, painstaking work. If it doesn’t feel hard than I’m not working hard enough for it. I’m a fraud if I’m not overworked and suffering to produce the labor.
I was taught that the amount of money you have in your bank account is a reflection of your value, of your worth. I was taught that it’s a reflection of how hard you worked. But when we look at how much money and wealth Jeff Bezos has accrued NOT through hard work, but through exploitation we know this bootstrap belief is a myth.
Through this individualistic, bootstrap theory loving, American Dream crazed, white supremacist society we're conditioned to believe that we have to sacrifice our well-being to make a living.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
The reason why most conscious entrepreneurs feel intense shame around money is because of trauma. We live in a society that perpetuates daily trauma. Capitalism is violent and is a trauma-inducing system. Colonialism and white supremacy are violent and trauma-inducing on a daily basis.
If you don’t care for yourself emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, spiritually, you won’t be able to show up and serve your people.